Deep Blue Adventures Feature Destination: Belize – “Mother Nature’s Best Kept Secret”

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The country of Belize is a diverse landscape, both above and below the turquoise waters.  There are not many places in this world where you will find world class diving steps from your hotel door and topside activities that take you back in time – all in one place.  Last time we explored one of the largest visitors found beneath the surface, the whale shark.  We are going to shift our focus now above the surface and explore Ambergris Caye, one of the most enchanted and inviting islands in Belize.  Ambergris Caye was just voted as the #1 Top Island in the World by Traveler’s Choice 2013 and Trip Advisor and we want to explore why!

While the country of Belize is divided into six districts, you’ll find it easier to plan your visit by looking at the nine tourism destinations: Northern Belize, Belize District, Ambergris Caye, Caye Caulker, Cayo, Stann Creek, Placencia, and Southern Belize.  Northern Belize is a mixture of natural wealth and archaeological wonder with spectacular ancient cities such as the temples at Lamanai, evidence of the ancient Maya’s affinity for the area.  Belize District is dominated by Belize City and offers a host of attractions including several sanctuaries, the world class Belize Zoo, a new museum, historic government buildings, churches and the incredible Maya site at Altun Ha.  Just south of Ambergris is the relaxed and slow-paced Caye Caulker where you can indulge your island fantasies on a quiet beach and get to know the Mestizo and Creole culture, customs and traditions.  Located in the western interior of Belize, Cayo is a 1500 square mile district that encompasses a good portion of the Maya Mountains and has more than its fair share of ancient Maya sites to visit and explore.  Stann Creek, with breathtaking vistas of the rainforests and the Maya Mountains, takes you all the way into culture rich Dangriga, historic home of the Garifuna people.  White sand beaches, brilliant blue waters and a hundred ways to enjoy the coastal treasures of Belize await you at Placencia.  Southern Belize is nearly 1700 square miles of prime opportunity for the adventure minded and the adrenaline addicted featuring ancient Mayan cities, intricate cave systems and pristine rainforests.  So what makes Ambergris Caye different from the rest of the country?  Let’s find out!

Ambergris Caye is the largest of all the cayes and is renowned for pristine beaches and proximity to the coral reef.  Ambergris measures at 25 miles long and about a mile wide.  The coastline is protected by the barrier reef which lies a quarter mile offshore.  The Great Blue Hole, Turneffe Islands, Shark Ray Alley, Hol Chan Marine Reserve, and Lighthouse Reef, all world famous dive sites, are just a short boat ride away.  Combine the ease of getting to these dive sites with excellent weather conditions, clear warm water, and vast marine life, and it becomes easy to see why Ambergris Caye is a top destination.  A feature attraction of diving in Belize is the Great Blue Hole.  Part of the Lighthouse Reef System, the Blue Hole is a perfectly circular limestone sinkhole more than 300 feet across and reaches a depth of 412 feet.  With the exception of 2 narrow channels, the reef surrounds the hole.  From the surface, the walls are virtually sheer until you reach about 110 feet.  There you will begin to see stalactite formations which create large overhangs.  You will not find an abundance of life here.  At deeper depths you may see a black tip tiger or hammerhead shark.   More times than not, it will just be you and your dive buddy.

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After your morning dive and your wetsuit is hanging to dry, you will have time to explore all Ambergris Caye has to offer topside.  The island’s major settlement is San Pedro, which has a population of about 4,000 year round residents.  The island began as a fishing village, but has grown to become one of Belize’s top tourist destinations.  Visitors to San Pedro are immediately struck by the picturesque quality of this perfect beach community.  Brightly colored houses pop against the backdrop of turquoise Caribbean waters.    Golf carts and bicycles make up the main source of transportation, but you will see an occasional taxi or private vehicle.    Dining on Ambergris Caye is abundant, with a wide selection of restaurants, bars, and lounges.  While there is a strong emphasis on seafood, you will find other delicacies featuring chicken and pork.  Another highlight is the shopping, and visitors delight in strolling around San Pedro.  The main shopping street is Front Street and here you will find a wide range of items, from local Belizean, Mexican, and Guatemalan products.  Weekend evenings are the perfect time for a stroll down Reef Barrier Drive, as all vehicle traffic is closed and you will most certainly stumble upon a village fiesta.  One of San Pedro’s newest attractions is the Butterfly Jungle.  Butterflies are raised here, and you are able to see every stage of transformation – from miniscule egg through caterpillar to beautiful butterflies! 

So when the urge to travel somewhere unique and special are on your mind, contact us to help tailor your perfect getaway!  There are many lodging choices on Ambergris Caye, from small hotels to all inclusive resorts.  We will find the perfect place for you!

My week breaking a world record with the future faces of scuba diving

I have always been a firm believer in sharing with and encouraging the next generation when it comes to our incredible world of diving. I truly feel they are the key to our sport’s future (I actually hate to refer to scuba as a sport as to me it’s so much more than that), and having worked on occasion over the past few years with the University Of Toledo Dive Club on their travel program, I have always offered my help and support in any way that I could. So when they approached me a couple of months ago to participate in their attempt to break a world record in diving, I didn’t hesitate and instantly enlisted my family also.

The record was for longest continual dive by a group of divers in a confined water environment – essentially, a relay of one or more divers submerged underwater in a tank, trading off so that someone was breathing underwater at all times. The current record was 6 ¾ days, and UT Dive Club was going for 7. This was to be achieved by shifts of divers serving anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 ½ hours at a time, adhering to standards set by OSHA and the University as well as Guinness. Each time slot required 3 divers on duty at all times – the diver themselves, a standby diver for emergencies ready to get in the water and a DPIC (designated person in charge) who was first aid and CPR trained and the go-to person ultimately responsible for that shift.

Our dive site for the next week was only 4 foot long by 4 foot wide and 4 3/4 feet deep – anyone slightly claustrophobic was doomed

It was not until I went to the trial meeting the week before that I realized what I had let myself in for. We met at a warehouse in downtown Toledo, where the father of the founding member and former President of UT Dive Club, Clayton Moore, and his company Syntech Products, had created the purpose-built tank. A hard plastic container supported by a metal frame, our dive site for the next week was only 4 foot long by 4 foot wide and about 4 ¾ feet deep – anyone slightly claustrophobic was doomed and I have to admit both me and my children walked out of there wondering if this could actually be pulled off.

Leading up to the event, I honestly couldn’t find much that I could personally do, but I shared on social media networks, recruited some local diving friends and of course signed ourselves up wherever spaces needed filled. My shift didn’t begin until late Wednesday night – 3 ½ days into the event, but the club kept the public informed via a live webcam streaming 24/7, continuously posted on Facebook and emailed regularly.

I followed their progress as well as their challenges. They faced a variety of them in that time, including a leaking tub, visibility dropping to almost zero and cold water with divers on the border of hypothermia. Nine hours into the event, the webcam failed, crucial to Guinness verifying the validity of the record, and the students regrouped and started again. The students handled all of this like champions as each issue presented itself, and with a little outside help things were clicking like clockwork by the time I arrived for my duty. The University allowed access to hot water to keep the chill off, the leak had been fixed, and an innovative student Joe Miller had now created a purpose a built pump & filter, so I was fortunate enough to enjoy reasonable temperatures in crystal clear water, all the while being recorded on one I.T. student’s hand-built computer and webcam brought in for that crucial proof!

The UT Dive tank

The dive tank – our dive site for the week at UT

Walking into the event for the first time in the middle of the night, the sight was quite unique. The tub was in the middle of the student union building on campus, surrounded by dive flags, banners, rows of tanks and gear provided by the local dive shop, Aqua Hut. Next to the paraphernalia, was a table with information about the club and sign-up forms for anyone interested in knowing more about them or to sign up for a Try Scuba event they were holding the following week. Other than a couple of custodians, and a dedicated faculty member, Margo, that had volunteered to oversee safety and compliance from the University’s standpoint, the only people here were the few brave souls that had volunteered for the night’s watch. Blankets, donated treats, pizza boxes & empty coffee cups were strewn about between the small group of brothers & sisters who ranged anywhere from being splayed across a couch catching a well-earned nap to those who were faithfully taking their turn carrying the torch of the graveyard shift. There were a dedicated number of people in this group that were the core of making this record a reality and the evidence that they had set up camp here for the week was more than apparent.

I showed up exhausted from my own week’s events which can be a multitude of things when juggling running a business and being a mom, and this week had been a particularly arduous one. I have to admit that by the time I began my 2am shift knowing I had to serve in one capacity or another for the next 4 hours, and another full day already packed with commitments was shortly ahead, I was dreading it. But I took my place as I said I would, grateful that this was the only slot I was signed up for.

My teenagers and one of their friends took the first three places as divers in the water, each taking about 30 minutes each, while I assumed the role of standby diver and my husband DPIC. Being kids, they each got comfortable quickly and easily and we played hangman via the slate attached to the tub, while I oversaw my wards. During that time, my husband and I also chatted to the various students that were scattered around the union building. I had not previously met any of the members that were there that night, and at first the exchanges were a bit awkward, but all being divers of various degrees and levels, we quickly found an obvious topic to discuss and once that began, the conversations flowed easily. I quickly discovered what amazing, excited and dedicated company we were in, and by the time it was my turn to get in the water, I was honored to do my part for this club and their efforts.

 Diving here could get lonely – and dare I say even challenging – very quickly

It turned out that one other unforeseen thing had happened during the week – the duty of each standby diver had spontaneously taken on new meaning. While the official purpose was for the standby to be perched at the top of the tank, geared up and ready to jump in and take over should the submerged diver need to get out immediately, or perform vital assistance if things went terribly bad, the role had become just as much one of moral support. Each standby diver also assumed the role as their connection to the surface, a friend when you are otherwise completely alone. Imagine being submerged in dive gear in a container that is not even big enough for you to lay down in, and imagine that for a couple of hours – sometimes cold and without visibility beyond your own hands, with no marine life or anything else to see other than plastic walls. Now do that multiple times over the course of a week, while juggling work, studies and trying to get sleep somewhere in the middle! Add in the additional details on top of the diving on a rotating shift, and one begins to understand the enthusiastic claims of “a few hours sleep in three days…” “Diving” here could get lonely – and dare I say even challenging – very quickly, and that little slate tethered to the platform above, your connection to a person whose sole object is to oversee your well-being and safety, does honestly become a valued lifeline during that time.

My standby diver had just come in on duty and I did not have a chance to introduce myself before we each took our respective positions. After an hour and a half of slate hangman with my kids, I did not want to play again. I settled down in the bottom of the tank, playing with my breathing techniques (a good diver is always learning, right?) and figured I would while away my time with just my thoughts. After a hectic week at home and work, frankly vegging out with just the sound of my bubbles was not unwelcome. Suddenly the slate came down – “Hi, I’m Katie – all ok?” I scribbled back to let her know I was and politely declined her offer for word games explaining that at 330am my vocabulary was about out. I let her know she did not need to feel like she had to entertain me and it would be ok if she just wanted to chat to her peers above. After all, I was only serving one hour, and this really wasn’t as bad as I expected. But Katie had been in this position several times already and was not leaving me alone and so the slate dropped down again. “We’re up here talking about sharks right now, what’s your coolest experience with one?” Even though I was fine, I had to admit knowing what was going on outside the tank, and being able to be part of the conversation did make things a little more comforting. As what often happens with strangers who have nothing in common but find quickly they share all they need to once they establish the other is a diver, I found myself bonding with Katie after a few exchanges via the slate we were passing between us. The time flew by and before I knew it I got the signal to get out. Katie was trading spots with me, now assuming the role of the submerged diver, and so I never really got to meet her that day or thank her for her excellent company that really did make all of the difference, but even now I still feel an inexplicable connection to her.

The future of diving was alive and well and in excellent hands in my own backyard

I left the University building the early hours of Thursday morning changed. As I said, I’ve always believed we need to mentor, encourage and share with the younger generation, and I have worked with various organizations on their travel arrangements, and even conducted some presentations in schools and colleges, but that night took on a deeper meaning for me and as I posted on Facebook the next day, I truly felt the future of diving was alive and well and in excellent hands in my own backyard.

I had left my number in case anyone needed their shift covering, and low and behold, Saturday morning my phone rang. While 25 divers ended up taking part in the attempt, there was a much smaller core group of people whose names appeared over and over on the sign-up sheet in various capacities throughout that week and sheer and overwhelming exhaustion was now kicking in. I hated that I couldn’t cover anything that day due to previously made plans, but my family and I stopped by that evening on our way to an appointment to check in on everyone and drop off some goodies to hopefully boost morale. While there, I signed up for some extra shifts that needed covering the next day to provide some relief. The President of the Club, Rob Schuster, was looking a bit disheveled at this point, having just come in after finishing a full day at work, and Clay was propped up in a chair with a winter hat pulled over his eyes, mouth wide open and gently snoring after covering all the previous night and that morning. Yet Rob, and the other members there, mostly the same faces I had met Thursday morning, were still smiling, ever polite and enthusiastic. I was so sorry I couldn’t stay but took comfort that I could at least do something Sunday – if they could hold on that long, which the group assured me there was no doubt they could.

When i arrived Sunday afternoon, things looked better – Clay was rested and animated, and I was taking a couple of hours for Rob so I figured he would get a break for a while too. Conversations across the room were lively and spirited. After a few hellos, my son hit the tank as the submerged diver and I once again took on both my motherly and diver duties as his standby. Sitting here, it was instantly evident that day time was much different. As well as a larger number of family and friends providing support and keeping them company, the student union saw a fair bit of traffic from unsuspecting or curious passers-by and it was here that part of the reason the club had decided to take on the world record was coming to fruition and from my personal perspective, why this extraordinary band of students are THE hope to the future of diving.

Ut dive club interest sign up sheets

Try scuba and interest in becoming certified sign up sheets

As well as for what sounded like a fun and crazy thing to do together, the UT Dive Club also arranged the event with the intention of creating an awareness about their existence to fellow students, and to hopefully even get some people to try scuba on one of their demo days or talk about certification. No matter how exhausted, how many hours they had served in the past 6 days, every one of them gave a bright smile, and told each inquisitor enthusiastically what they were doing and answer as many questions as they could – including some really off the wall ones! They would then proceed to encourage them to sign up on one or more of the sheets depending on the situation and interest displayed. Their obvious love of diving was infectious and the sheets had been filling with an impressive number of names the past few days and it was clear now why.

 This passionate group had achieved something none of us older, experienced diving professionals have even began to scratch the surface of

After about 3 hours, my son and I completed our shift alternating between diving and standby, and we said our goodbyes once more. This time leaving not only with an even deeper appreciation for this band of young divers, but pondering if they even knew just what they were achieving. I have attended several meetings the past year or so by industry veterans and respected gurus who each time gather to discuss how to keep our beloved “sport” alive and how to get the younger crowd to choose diving above all other forms of entertainment and/or career paths. Here, in that small building on an unremarkable college campus, in Toledo Ohio, this passionate group had achieved something none of us older, experienced diving professionals have even began to scratch the surface of: they piqued the interest of literally dozens upon dozens of young adults and gathered a list of those who were now genuinely interested in learning more or had decided right there and then that becoming a diver was what they now wanted to do. And these people were all found by chance or circumstance walking through a college building in the space of one week on a small budget and with only the support of a few local businesses – it was incredible to watch.

I did return to the University one more time during the event. I was drawn like a moth to flame at this point, wrapped up in the magic that these students created and while I was not needed to relieve anyone else, I had to see it through. And so in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, I made my pilgrimage to watch the countdown on the computer with them as they broke the record. I have had some memorable New Year’s Eve’s in my lifetime, but nothing has come close to the 10, 9, 8…chant that night. While conscious I may be crashing their party, I was greeted like an old friend and we all embraced and shared in the excitement as the University of Toledo Dive Club became the proud new holders of the World record. I cannot even put into words how that felt, so I will not even try, but I hope you can imagine it. I stayed a while longer as divers switched in and out, adding 3 more hours to the previous record, and bid adieu exhilarated for them and all that they achieved.

UT Dive Club world record countdown and webcam

UT Dive Club World Record countdown and webcam

Though I thought it would, the story as it turns out, didn’t end there. The next day I was invited out to be part of the celebration on campus – my children and I were, as they pointed out, part of the 25 divers after all and my company had supported the event. We enjoyed once again the excitement and enthusiasm this group radiates, which was now elevated even further by the fact that all their hard work had paid off and also by the presence of numerous news channels and reporters. While the various club officers were interviewed, I learned that the record was formally held by a group of divers in Brazil. Not only had this club brought the record to Ohio, but they brought it to the USA! The story had been slowly spreading over the past week and by now not only had every local channel and newspaper featured their story at least twice, but it had captured attention across the country. I have since seen news clips from local channels in states such as Texas as well as on USA Today and Today.com. In addition to shots of the UT divers in the water, and interviews about what they were doing and why, the anchors were sitting around afterwards discussing scuba diving! When was the last time diving received such national attention? It is just astounding what this club has achieved in the space of a week.

I wished everyone farewell, exchanged Facebook connections and made each of them promise to contact me if there was anything I could ever do to help them with the Dive Club or in their own personal journeys, and I meant it from the bottom of my heart. I was pleasantly surprised though, that the first call came just 24 hours later. It turned out that they had so many sign-ups for their “Try Scuba” event they had been promoting during the world record attempt that they didn’t have enough instructors to deliver! Can you imagine?!

Symbiosis in its finest and purest form!

And so Thursday night (yes, apparently 9pm – 11pm on a week night is the perfect time for a discover scuba session when you’re young!), I arrived once more, with gear in tow. The line of people ready and waiting for the doors to open was unbelievable! I don’t really get the chance to teach much anymore – my regular dive-related job leaves me little time, but I have to tell you I had an absolute blast. The ages of participants ranged from college freshman to experienced faculty members, and every one of them talked about how “awesome” and “cool” diving is. Not everyone on the sign-up sheets for Try Scuba showed up that night, but 37 people did. 37! 5 went on to enroll for certification classes that night including Margo who while performing her supervising duties each night the week before, became intrigued and after the Discover Scuba realized what it is that possesses us all. After shutting down the pool at the end of the evening, we all met up at one of the university’s local hotspots, where Margo thanked us all by ensuring she bought the first round for every one of us eligible to partake! And so, the traditions live!

While it was much more than five that expressed an interest in taking classes, some just couldn’t do it financially right now. The club is eager to do what they can to overcome that, and I will be continuing to work with them to see what we can do to make it happen for more, through my company and possibly other connections as well as fundraisers. You may ask why invest your time and money in a bunch of students – even ones as special as this group – after all, it’s not the demographics the dive industry is after. They don’t have the disposable income a business built purely on leisure needs to survive and prosper, and this is all certainly true. But as I see it, this is a group of innovative young people, working hard to soon be professionals themselves, and one day they will meet that criteria. They have been sung to by the Sirens to one degree or another and I am sure for most, diving will become part of their lives. It may not be any time soon, and it may not come back to my own business, but the future of our sport is something I believe we should all contribute to and foster – whether we are a professional or simply a fan.

Countless seeds were planted this past week, not just in the unsuspecting students passing through their school building, but also in the homes of people of all ages across the nation. We have much to teach, to give and to share with the next generation, but we also have an awful lot we can learn from them too! It’s symbiosis in its finest and purest form!

UT Dive Club world record divers and supporting friends and businesses

UT Dive Club world record attempt, some of the supporting divers and business

Deep Blue Adventures Feature Destination: Belize

 

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Each month we are going to highlight a special place in the world with the hope of sharing a couple of our favorite things which we view as truly unique!  From exotic animal sightings, to one of a kind beaches, our goal is to take you on a journey, both above and below the surface, to some of the most enchanting places in the world! 

Our first stop is the Latin American country of Belize, a country where you can scuba dive along the largest barrier reef in the Western Hemisphere, explore ancient Mayan temples, and zip-line across the jungle canopy all in one day.  Scuba divers from across the world come to Belize to explore waters unlike anywhere else.  It is a truly outstanding natural system consisting of a barrier reef bursting with marine life, offshore atolls, several hundred sand cays, mangrove forests, coastal lagoons, and estuaries.  With hundreds of different species of marine life calling this place home, we wanted to focus on one in particular, the largest in the world to be exact, the whale shark!

Whale sharks are the largest fish in the sea, measuring lengths of 40 feet or more.  These gentle giants travel to Belize annually from March to June.  They tend to congregate in an area called the Gladden Spit, which is where a particular species of snapper, the black or cubera snapper, come to spawn.  The whale sharks will swim from the deep blue over a wall’s edge that tops at about 150 feet.  It is here where you have the chance to witness a truly magnificent sight, as this is the only place in the world where you can see large schools of snapper and whale sharks while diving. 

It is advised that 4-6 days after the full moon is the best chance you will have to see these magnificent creatures.  Of course, these are wild animals, so there is no guarantee.  If possible, it is best to book multiple days to maximize your chance.  From Placencia out to Gladden Spit, the boat ride is about an hour and fifteen minutes.  Operators will typically do two dives and snorkelers will have two snorkel sessions.  This dive is essentially in the deep blue, often times you will not see the bottom, so it is recommended that your experience level be intermediate to advanced. 

Gladden Spit is part of the Gladden Spit Marine Reserve, which was established in 2000.  This area has been the focus on whale shark research leading to new information concerning population, ecology, movements, and behavior of whale sharks.  Several regulations have been put in place in order to allow us to safely interact with these wonderful creatures.  The regulations include, but not limited to, limiting the amount of time in the water, regulating the amount of boats in the area, limiting the number of people in the water at one time, and preventing the use of camera flashes.  It is also strongly encouraged that no diver touch or “ride” these animals, as you may be subject to fines. 

This is truly a once in a lifetime experience, and one that will surely not be forgotten.  There are several operators in the area, so let us help you plan this incredible opportunity today!

Stay tuned throughout the rest of the month as we continue our journey across Belize!

A whistle stop tour in the diving heaven of Bonaire

While whistle-stop tours are not my favorite way to visit a destination, when an opportunity to add 3 days in the island of Bonaire to my travel itinerary this summer, I would have been crazy to refuse! With little over 72 hours on this delightful jewel in the Dutch Antilles, I knew I had my work cut out for me to get the best sample I could of what allures avid divers by the thousands year after year.

With hubby, my two teenage divers and a newly certified friend in tow, our host for this fleeting visit was the infamous Buddy Dive Resort, who delivered all I had expected and more. Buddy Dive Resort caters to divers of all ages and experience levels, from those seeking to obtain their certification all the way through to technical diving and Instructor training, and provides for each of those levels superbly. With help-yourself tanks 24-7, a drive through fill station for easy loading into your included truck to explore the islands sites, beautiful dive boats and free unlimited nitrox, we truly had the diving freedom Bonaire boasts about.

It’s not just the fact that you are able to get up when you want with no boat to catch, or that you can look over at your buddy at 3 in the afternoon (or 3 in the morning for that matter) and say “fancy a dip?” It’s that you get to call the dive itself. You are governed only by your no-deco time and the air in your tank. Other than that, you can call not only the site, but the length, the depth, and the distance. It’s YOUR dive as you want it to be. You are your own Dive Master.

With great visibility, no currents, a large array of sites and diving literally available on your schedule any time day or night, Bonaire truly is an underwater photographers dream. My husband, who takes almost all of the photos in our family, was in his element, being able to spend as much time as he wanted working on his camera settings to get just the right shot.

But Bonaire is also a fantastic destination for many other types of divers. These same conditions make it the perfect place for a student or newly certified diver, but there are plenty of opportunities for experienced and technical divers to challenge themselves too.

The animal enthusiast in me was well provided for also, as I was able to spend time creating brief relationships with the critters below. Some dives I simply hung out on a single patch of reef that was teeming with life, giving the residents enough time to get used to my presence and allow me to watch an entire community get over their shyness and continue going about their business as usual.

My long, relaxing night dive, not only delivered all of the nocturnal creatures I had hoped for, but provided ample time and freedom to literally play with the six massive tarpon than joined us, using our dive lights to hunt. Underwater I am in my element, and it is not unusual to see me with a big smile spilling out the sides of my second stage, but I think this may be the first time I actually giggled through me regulator. Just for the record, my euphoria was not because I was using my potential underwater death ray to reveal otherwise hidden meals to the tarpon, that’s not my idea of entertainment…I shone it right in front of me at absolutely nothing and simply enjoyed the rush as two or three of these large, magnificent sparkling fish did fly-bys just a few inches from my face, all but causing wind to rush through my hair. At the risk of sounding like I don’t have any life, I have to tell you that made for a fun Saturday night!

There is so much more I could tell you about my all-too-short trip to the land of bubbles and barefoot living, but I have rambled way too much already. It turns out my visit turned into a fleeting but powerful affair that has left me wanting more. Sure, I have some good pictures and wonderful memories, but they are almost a tease – they are reminders that it wasn’t enough – I too, like many great divers before me, have fallen under Bonaire’s spell and I know in my heart it is only a matter of time before I have to return.